31 Minutes To Building A Better Blog
Wednesday, August 15th, 2007 at 7:00 am
Darren Rowse of ProBlogger.net is running a campaign called 31 Days to Building a Better Blog. The idea is that bloggers are challenged to participate in a practical blogging tip every day of August. By the end of of the month you are bound to have a much better blog!
*Update (16 August 2007) Just to clarify, the rest of this entry is my attempt at some humour, so take it with a pinch of salt! For some tongue-in-cheek blogging advice, read on…
I think that ProBlogger’s campaign is a great idea, yet the title hints at a small dilemma - it takes a whole month. Thirty one days. Seven hundred and forty four hours. Forty four thousand six hundred and forty minutes!
Now, you see, the problem is that I am lazy and and I know you are too.
never even considered replacing an empty loo roll. Never.
We are the sort of people who climb over those ribbon-barriers in the bank instead of walking the zigzag. We park on the sidewalk, use the elevator and have never even considered replacing an empty loo roll. Never.
So, to make life a little easier, I have decided to save us all some time by compiling a minute-by-minute schedule for building a better blog in just over half an hour.
Make sure you have an ample supply of beverages at your disposal. Set your stopwatch, you wouldn’t want to overwork yourself now.
Here goes:
- Hydrate. Grab a delicious beverage of your choice. This will reveal a lot about who you really are and inspire you to blog from the heart. Remember, if you are over 18 you may be downing a cold one, but this could affect your judgment during the remaining 30 minutes…
- Check your RSS Feeds for some fresh inspiration. “Inspiration” is such a long word, so you can call it “inspo” if you like.
- Open all RSS links in your browser until each tab is only about 20 pixels wide. Since we all have different ideas about what constitutes “interesting links”, make sure the last tab is BBC News or the likes, so you can quickly switch to that and avoid suspicion if your boss/spouse/mom walks by.
- Log in to your blog and create a new entry.
- Come up with a good title for your new post. Make sure it contains some of the following words: Lindsay, Lohan, Nude, Pictures, Harry, Potter, iPhone, Simpsons or Pimpmobile. This is purely for SEO (search engine optimisation) purposes.
- You’re probably getting thirsty by now. Dehydration is a real risk for devoted bloggers, so feel free to grab another beverage.
- Start off your entry by explaining how busy you have been lately and why your readers should understand your lack of recent updates.
- If you want to look professional, a good idea is to find a suitable quote for the intro.
- At this point, you will need some tunes, so launch your media player of choice and crank it up. I would suggest something classical. Blink182 - Enema of the State would be a safe choice as it comes to about 35 minutes in total.
- Flick through all those web pages you opened and copy the links to your blog entry.
- Make sure you have an overwhelming list of links. People will love this, because instead of them having to surf the web for cool stuff, they can just link to your blog. This is called linkbaiting.
- Write a short outro for your new blog entry. Make a clever comment or two. It is always a good idea to place a question mark right at the end. This will trick visitors into commenting on your blog. The more comments you have, the better your blog will look.
- Hydrate. Don’t fight the feeling, I know you’re ready for another beverage. You can call it a “bevvie” if you like.
- Ok, we’re about half way now and we have been doing some serious hydrating, so you might want to take a quick toilet break. Don’t be tempted to replace the toilet roll, this will only waste precious blogging time.
- Read over your new blog entry. Ok, who are we kidding, just scan it.
- Publish it. Get that sucker online, don’t waste time!
- While waiting for the readers to come flooding, stretch your legs a little. If you are enjoying the music, why not take this opportunity to turn up the volume.
- Check your Google Analytics. Nothing yet? Well, it has only been 2 minutes.
- Send an email to your mom, reminding her to check your blog. Don’t forget to CC all contacts in your address book.
- Check Google Analytics again… just in case, you know?
- While you’re at it, it may be worth doubling the amount of ads on your blog. This post is probably going to be your big break in the blogosphere, so don’t compromise, monetize!
- Try creating some extra space for ads by going through your blogroll and deleting some of your friends.
- Thirsty? Of course you are. Grab a bevvie.
- Take a look at your blog online. Admire it for a while. Click all the links.
- Check Google Analytics. Hey, 1 visitor! Cool! Oh, wait, that was you…
- Get your blog to look more hip and happening. Update the colour scheme. Word has it that pastels are the new black.
- Oh, wait a minute, you forgot to tag your entry with keywords. No wonder nobody has found it. Quick, re-open the entry and edit it. Check step 5 for some ideas for tag keywords.
- Publish it. Again.
- Don’t forget to submit your new blog entry to Digg, Reddit and del.icio.us.
- Log out.
- Time to relax. Put your feet up and enjoy another beverage. Blogging certainly takes it out of a person!
I’m sure there are some quick fixes that I haven’t thought of… Maybe 31 seconds to building a better blog?
James Says:
August 16th, 2007 at 12:06 am
I’ve only read a few of your entries so I haven’t become fully accustomed to your writing style and sense of humor, but, was this entry a joke? I noticed only one or two take-away points (such as the link-baiting tip), however the rest sounds as though you are being entirely facetious. I only ask as it seems like your blog is a “serious” resource for better blogging.
Anyway, aside from that I like your writing style and you’re funny. Keep it up!
Blogsolid Says:
August 16th, 2007 at 12:33 am
Hi James, you are quite right. Blogsolid is a serious resource aimed at dispensing some really useful ideas for better blogging. This entry is perhaps an exception to the rule, because i decided to poke some fun at blogging.
Maybe it is a little inappropriate, but I hope it made you smile. I have added an update to the intro to help avoid confusion.
Best wishes!
Imar
James Says:
August 16th, 2007 at 12:40 am
That clears it all up! I was actually laughing as I read it simply because it reminded me so much of myself, especially the obsessive Google Analytics checking minutes after posting ;)
Myo Kyaw Htun Says:
August 17th, 2007 at 8:32 am
Lol! i like your writing style. What if Darren will see this post ?
BlogBuzz August 18, 2007 » Webmaster-Source Says:
August 18th, 2007 at 5:38 pm
[…] has just spoofed Darren Rowse’s “31 Days to a Better Blog” series with “31 Minutes to Building a Better Blog.” It describes a lot of bloggers […]
José Says:
August 29th, 2007 at 6:52 pm
taking about 31 minutes, look this:
http://www.31minutos.cl
jeje
José
Youri Says:
September 11th, 2007 at 10:53 pm
LOL this was a good laugh. Specially loved the delete some friends part for ad space:-) Keep them coming, you’re bookedmarked.
Blogsolid Says:
September 12th, 2007 at 2:20 am
Thanks for the bookmark, Youri. I’m sure you won’t be disappointed.
10 New Blogged Articles You Have to Read | The Fatty Talks by Adam Hirsch Says:
September 12th, 2007 at 4:29 pm
[…] 31 Minutes To Building A Better Blog (BlogSolid) […]
Monalisa Says:
September 15th, 2007 at 7:15 am
Is it wise and possible to create a blog with RSS in Flash? I would like to improve my portfolio created in flash to pull some traffic. Any ideas and tips?
Thanks!
nery bascone pardo Says:
March 31st, 2008 at 12:05 am
ola yo les queria decir que los quiero mucho a todos los personajes de 31minutos y sobre todo al tulio por que me hace reir muchisimo a mi y a mi familia adios y los quiero mucho a todos
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